I am having the shittiest day I’ve had in a while.
I really, seriously want to crawl into a hole and sleep until it’s Thursday night and I can leave to go back to my parents’.
So last night I thought it was a great idea to make (commercial) pork loin cutlets for dinner with orange and ginger. It was good, but my body didn’t like it one bit. This morning, right after eating breakfast I got sick and was fairly miserable for a few hours.
Every single time I eat commercial pork anymore, I end up sick. Pastured, maybe organic, and locally butchered? Perfectly fine with it. I don’t know what it is about it but I get sick every time. It’s probably the disgusting diet they’re fed and all the processing that goes into it, and given my super sensitive body it’s a recipe for disaster.
Only the 2nd week of school and I missed all but one of my classes today. (I went to lab even though I’m still waitlisted because I didn’t want to miss and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be there or not anyway.) Good thing all the ones I missed post their notes online. I’ve been taking the time to copy them down.
Being so sick this morning pretty much caused me to have a mini-breakdown. The last few days… okay last few weeks actually, have been hard. I really hate admitting that, because I’ve been wanting this so long. But they have been. Moving, adjusting, figuring out food sources and trying to adjust that with my own food issues, dealing with college and homework, dealing with this stupid ridiculous heat that keeps leaving me dehydrated, it’s all just been taken a toll on my body. I didn’t open up to Ray much about any of this. I don’t know why. I just feel… ashamed I guess? For the last two years I wanted nothing but to move out on my own and live my own life. I finally have that and more, yet I’m not totally happy. I feel stupid that I thought this was going to be an easy transition. It hasn’t been, and I really hate that. And I feel guilty when I do complain or get all irritable with him. I feel like he should never listen to that or ever put up with it. I feel like being such a depressed, irritable, constantly complaining person is going to make him want to leave.
Anyway, the stress has been throwing off my metabolism big time and hasn’t been helping my mood either. It leaves me tired and uncomfortable all the time, which in turn leaves me irritable, cranky, weepy, and depressed.
I called my mom and talked with her during my mini-meltdown. That kinda made me feel better. I still feel pretty terrible though. Mostly because I can’t eat right. My stomach still aches. I’m eating bites here and there, but no fats or nuts or dairy. Just vegetables, fish, and limited fruits. I’ve been sipping on coconut water, lemon juice and water, ginger root tea, and apple cider vinegar and water all day. It’s made me feel a little better and perk me up a bit. I just hope everything’s healed and sorted out by tomorrow morning. I don’t want to feel like this again.
I can’t wait to go back to my parents’ on Thursday. Only because I’m going to take this weekend to get my body straightened out and fix myself proper food and meals and start cracking down on what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do differently to make it right. Friday is my nutrition appointment and I can’t wait to see my nutritionist. I just want some reassurance that, despite everything that’s been going on, my body is still trying to heal my gut. I guess it still is, I did try raspberries, blackberries, and cranberries this week successfully.
[whispers] i miss harry potter
[murmurs] i miSS HARRY POTTER
[exclaims] i misS HARRY POTTER
[yells] I MISS HARRY POTTER
[sCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS WITH A MEGAPHONE] I MISS HARRY POTTER
I don’t care if this isn’t your blog type, if you don’t reblog this I’m judg-
Painted Book Sculptures byMike Stilkey, “Full of Smiles and Soft Attentions”
friend-zoning guys is horrible. it is disgusting. funzone them instead. send them to a small childs park so they can cry with the other babies when they dont get what they want.